Public Affection
by Diane2
Summary: A crazy tale of parents versus kids in which a simple school rule leads to more action than necessary, in more ways than one! Please R


Public Affection

Public Affection

"AHEM!" coughed Mr. Simmons loudly.

The three kissing couples in the back of the bus jerked apart and saw the angriest

looking Mr. Simmons they had ever seen.

"What in the name of my second cousin Myrtle is going on here?" snapped Mr.

Simmons very angrily but quietly enough so as not to wake the other sleeping students

on the bus.

"Its not what it looks like," stated a very frightened Sid.

"Yeah, really, its not what it looks like," chimed in Gerald.

Arnold couldn't say anything because he didn't want to lie and he was extremely

scared of the way Mr. Simmons was looking at them. The girls were also extremely

frightened and were hugging their guys.

"I bet this caboodling is what made the whole class have to wait on you!" Mr.

Simmons fumed.

"We were lost!" wailed Gerald

"I had to carry Nadine, and... and it took longer!!" cried Sid.

"Well, we did get lost, and Helga did get bitten by a snake, but yeah, we did do

some 'caboodling' as you would call it." stated Arnold, truthfully.

"Yeah, us too," whispered an embarrassed Phoebe.

"And us," said Nadine.

"Well, since this was a school function, and there is a rule clearly stating

against public affection, I have no choice but to punish you six when we get back to

school. You will all stay after school and then we will talk about your

punishment." said Mr. Simmons, a little calmer.

"Yes Mr. Simmons," said the students.Mr. Simmons walked back up the aisle of the bus.

"What do you think he'll do to us?" said Sid, still a little frightened.

Phoebe sat up straight.

"I don't care,"she looked at Gerald."As long as I'm with you."

"Same here!Only with Sid!" exclaimed Nadine quietly as to not wake 

anyone up.

"And I don't either as long as I'm with Helga!"

"But wouldn't Mr. Simmons consider this in our punishments?"

"I believe Gerald may be right," said Phoebe, crestfallen.

"What if the punishment is just keeping us apart!But I guess that wont 

be too bad now that I think about it."

"Yes it would, Sid!"replied Nadine."It would be terrible!"

"But we were apart in school before the trip."

"Exactly.BEFORE.Now that we love each other so much, I couldn't bear 

to be away from you!"

"I did it for six years.It was torturous having Arnold so near, yet so 

far."Arnold gave Helga the flirty eyes in response.

"I'll never be far away again.No matter what Mr. Simmons does."

Mr. Simmons knew that they would talk about their possible punishments 

and tell what they feared most would happen.That's why he eavesdropped from 

a nearby seat.He heard it all and knew exactly what he would do.

The next day--lets make it Friday.

"Okay class.Time for recess.Phoebe, Gerald, Arnold, Helga, Sid, and 

Nadine please come see me."Everyone poured out of the classroom.The six 

hesitantly walked up to his desk.

"Yes Mr. Simmons?" Arnold asked quietly.He and Phoebe were to be the 

spokespeople.

"I was very disappointed in you all on the bus last night.It was 

incredibly un-special of you all.And I stayed up very late thinking of the 

perfect punishment.I am going to watch you constantly and make sure you 

don't do anything that you didn't do before Adventure Woods when all of 

'this' started.Not only that, but I'm calling all of your parents and tell 

them what's going on and ask them to forbid you to do this at home!"

"Mr. Simmons, you can't do that!!" Gerald burst out.

"Yes I can and I will.Now go to recess."They walked out to recess, 

all of them despaired and heartbroken.Mr. Simmons started calling the 

parents.

"Hello?Johanssen residence.Mr. Johanssen speaking."

"Yes this is Mr. Simmons, Gerald's teacher."

"Gerald?Only Jamie-O's teachers call us.He's the only one who gets in 

trouble.What did Gerald do?"

"Well, as you know, Gerald's class took a field trip to Adventure woods 

yesterday, and well, I'm not sure how to say this, but--"

"Well, get on with it, man!What did he do!!"

"He and another student were.... how do you say, making out?They were 

doing it quite a bit and they were the one of the main reasons the class was 

so late getting back.I wanted to request that you forbid Gerald from seeing 

this girl.Her name is Phoebe just so you know."

"He was what!!!But he's only nine!!!Rest assured I will stop Gerald 

from seeing this Phoebe no matter what!!"

"Thank you and I wish you a pleasant and special day."

"Hello?This is Mrs. Hyerdahl"

"Hello, this is Mr. Simmons, Phoebe's teacher.I have some shocking 

news."

"gasp What??"

"Yesterday, as you know, Phoebe's class took a fieldtrip to Adventure 

woods.There, in the woods, she and another student were canoodling."

"WHAT!?!?!?"she said faintly.

"Yes I was quite shocked too.I'm going to keep her and the boy apart in 

school and I was wondering if you would forbid her from seeing him at home."

"Of-of course Mr. Simmons.She will never see this boy again.What's 

his name?"

"Gerald.Thank you and I wish you a pleasant and special day."

"Hello?This is Mr. Simmons, Sid's teacher."

"Yes, did he bring his frogs to school again?"

"No, he did worse.Yesterday on the class's fieldtrip to Adventure 

Woods, he and another student named Nadine were making out.I've forbid them 

to see each other at school and I would appreciate it very much if you would 

do the same at home."

"Of course Mr. Simmons.It's disgraceful how kids start making out 

earlier and earlier these days.And at nine!!I'll make sure he doesn't see 

Nadine."

"Thank you and I wish you a pleasant and special day."

"Hello?This is Mr. Simmons, Nadine's teacher."

"Yes?Did she bring her bug collection to school again?"

"No.I'm afraid it was far worse.Yesterday on the class's fieldtrip to 

Adventure Woods, she and another student named Sid were making out.I've 

forbid them to see each other at school and I would appreciate it very much if 

you would do the same at home."

"Sure, at age nine, they should be ashamed."

"Thank you and I wish you a pleasant and special day."

"Hello, this is Mr. Simmons.I'd like to talk to Mr. Patacki.It's 

about his daughter."

Secretary: "I'll put you right through to him."

"Whaddya want?I'm busy runnin' my beeper empire here!"

"Yesterday the class had a fieldtrip to Adventure Woods and in the woods 

Helga and another boy were making out."

"So?What do I care?"

"Well, I've forbid them from seeing each other at school and I would 

appreciate it if you did the same at home.His name is Arnold."

"That ORPHAN boy!?!?!?!"

"Yes, I believe he is an orphan."

"You got yourself a deal!I'm never letting her lay her eyes on that 

ORPHAN again!!In fact, I'll get her a tutor at home so she doesn't even see 

him at school!"

"Well, I don't think it's necessary to go that far."

"Well, you're right.Too much money."

"Thank you and I wish you a pleasant and special day."

"Hello?Mr.---" the last name was smudged on the card."throat clear 

I'm Mr. Simmons, Arnold's teacher."

"Arnold's teacher?Short man's not the type to get in trouble at school."

"No, he isn't, but this is a very special type of trouble I'm afraid."

"What happened?"

"Well, yesterday on the class fieldtrip to Adventure Woods, Arnold was 

making out with another student named Helga G. Patacki.I've forbid them 

to see each other at school and I was hoping you'd do the same at home."

"WHAT!?!?!"

"I know, I was outraged, too."

"Why'd you forbid short man to see her!?!"

"But it's against school rules to be--"

"To be in love!?!"

"No, to display public affection."

"I will not forbid Arnold to see Helga!I have been trying to make 

Arnold realize she loves him for years and now that he knows and loves her 

back I'm not stoppin' 'em.In fact, I'm gonna encourage him!!"

"Oh my."

"Good day to you sir!"

"I do not wish you a pleasant and special day.In fact, I wish you the 

opposite."

"I don't need your special ness."

At recess, word had somehow leaked out about the making out at Adventure Woods and the 6 kids were being horribly teased. 

"Ooooooh I love you I love you," mocked Harold, kissing his hand. 

The other kids were chanting the tree song and other immature garble about kissing when Arnold decided he had had enough. 

"YOU GUYS!" Arnold yelled to the playground. They all stopped and looked at him. "So what, we were kissing, big deal. I KNOW in a few years you all are

gonna be doing it too so shut up and stop teasing us. Its so IMMATURE!" 

Lila heard all the commotion and Arnold's speech and she suddenly became very jealous of Helga. She realized that Arnold had moved on and

she didn't want that to happen. She found herself liking Arnold in a very different way and decided that she had to get him back some how. 

The kids backed off after Arnold's outburst, but the kids were the least of their problems. They all got home to very angry parents.. except Arnold of course. 

"Gerald! Upstairs! Now!" yelled Mrs. Johanssen. 

"Yes Mommy," said Gerald trying to be cute so he wouldn't be punished as much. 

Gerald's mom followed him into his room and they had a little talk 

"Gerald, I'm very disappointed in you. Public affection especially at your age is a big no no. Jamie-O never did that at your age. I'm sorry but I am going to

forbid you from seeing Phoebe until I tell you you can." 

"Yes Mom," said a sad Gerald 

"Phoebe what on earth were you thinking!!!" yelled Mrs. Hyerdahl. 

"We were just kissing." said Phoebe meekly 

"Oh, your teacher said canoodling and I thought something else, I'm sorry" 

"Mom!" squealed phoebe with shock 

"Well, you still have to be punished even if it was just kissing. You can't see Gerald until further notice." 

Phoebe just cried. 

Sid and Nadine had near identical conversations with their parents and were both very sad. 

"HELGA!!!!!!!" boomed Bob as she got home from school. 

"Hey Bob, you called me Helga, and you're home early from work. It must be my birthday," said Helga sarcastically. 

"YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE LITTLE LADY! OLGA WOULD NEVER...." 

"Bob, calm down, I'm watching TV," said Mirriam 

"Helga, I forbid you from seeing ORPHAN BOY ever again! Olga had much better taste in boys and of course she waited until she got to high school to begin

dating and I hear that you are caught making out with ORPHAN BOY in a public situation. Go to your room and STAY THERE!!!!" 

"DON'T EVER CALL HIM ORPHAN BOY AGAIN!!" Helga screamed and ran up to the solitude of her room. 

"Hey Short man, hear ya got caught liplocking with that Helga girl. Heh, its about time!" 

"Grandpa!" said Arnold turning bright red. 

"Your fruitcake of a teacher called wantin me to punish ya! Boy did I tell him good!! hehe I'm such a wily old coot. Well, invite her over already, I've got some

empty rooms in the boarding house." Grandpa winked. 

"Grandpa!" said Arnold again. but decided to call Helga to see if she could come anyway and hoping her parents were as nice as Grandpa was about it. 

"Hello, is Helga there?" 

"Who's askin?" said Bob 

"Arnold" 

"What! Don't ever call here again ORPHAN BOY!" yelled Bob and slammed down the phone. 

Arnold looked as if he were about to cry. He hated being called orphan boy and reminded of his missing parents like that. Then he got an idea. 

"Hello." said Bob 

Arnold made his voice as high pitched as he possibly could and said in the cutest falsetto, "Hi, this is Phoebe, is Helga there?" 

"Hold on," said Bob.

"HELGA!!!Phoebe's on the phone!!"

"Ok, Dad.Hello."

"Helga, I think your dad really hates me.And does he have to call me 

Orphan boy?"

"ARNOLD!!!"she screamed quietly."I try to stop him from calling you 

that, but he does hate you.I don't know why."

"So you want to come over?"

"I can't.My dad forbade me and just to make sure, he put a special 

padlock on the door that he has the only key to."

"You have a window with a tree under it, don't you?Or did he padlock 

the window too?"

"Oh, you genius, I love you!"

"I love you too."

"I'll be right over, bye."

"Bye."Helga crept out of her window and climbed down the tree, heading 

to Arnold's.

*****

The phone rang.Arnold picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Arnold, man, I'm dying!!"

"Gerald?"

"My mom won't let me see Phoebe!How's Grandpa taking it?"

"He told Mr. Simmons off when he called here and then he made me call 

Helga.I was going to anyway, I was just shocked."

"I wish my mom forced me to call Phoebe.She actually watched me dial 

the phone to make sure I was callin' you and not her!"

"Don't worry, I think of something so that both you and Phoebe and Sid 

and Nadine can all come here and do your thing."Arnold blushed at his 

statement.

"Thanks man, you're true blue.I guess I'll just have to hang on till I 

can see my wonderful de-licious Phoebe again."

"Delicious?Gerald, you're weird."

"I know man, but her kisses are de-licious."

"Would you stop saying it like that?"

"De-licious Phoebe kisses." 

"Bye, Gerald."

"De-licious."Arnold hung up.

"Hey Arnold!Your girlfriend's here."

"Hey, did you hear that?Arnold finally got a girl!"Mr. Hyunh was 

making kissy faces after Oskar's comment.Arnold just glared at them and 

told them to shut up as he brought Helga to his room.

"Gee, and I thought the teasing would only be at school."

"Ya' know, it's ironic.I'm the youngest one in the boarding house but 

I'm the most mature."

"So now that I'm here, what do you want to talk about?"

"Who says we have to talk?" Arnold said giving her the flirty eyes.She 

melted as he started kissing her.

*****

It was the next day at school.The teasing had died down somewhat but 

not altogether.On the playground during recess there was a confrontation.

Helga was walking past Lila when she made an offhand comment about Arnold to 

her.

"So I guess he's mine now, huh?" That just did it for Lila.She blew her 

top, a very un-Lila-like thing to do.

"Like you earned him, you whore!!"Everyone stopped what they were doing 

and gasped in unison.

"What about you, you slut!!Look at all the guys you have effortlessly 

caught in your spell of perfection.Like you earned any single one of your 

male servants!!You're just mad 'cuz I took one!"Everyone gasped again.

Arnold came over.

"You didn't take just any servant, you took my favorite!!"Lila gasped 

and covered her mouth at this slip.Some fainted and everyone just gasped 

harder.Arnold stared in disbelief.

Lila turned pink and slapped Helga across the face.Helga punched Lila, 

knocking her to the ground.She started walking away with a victorious 

smirk, wiping her hands.Lila leapt up onto her back and started pulling her 

hair.Helga did a controlled fall backwards, rolled over, and started trying to rip out Lila's braids.They were kicking, punching, pulling, clawing, rolling over the ground, screaming 

curses and bloody oaths.Arnold was flattered that this was about him and 

worried for Helga.Mr. Simmons and Principal Wartz ran over.It took them 

ten minutes to get the girls off of each other.Almost half the people on 

the playground had fainted by now, most of them when Lila's skirt got knocked 

over her head.Arnold walked up to the outraged Lila and glared at her.

"I never want to see you again."He walked over to Helga, being held by 

Principal Wartz.

"Helga are you-!"

"Arnold, remember what I said.I want you to stay at least six feet away 

from Helga."

"But Mr. Simmons-!"

"Arnold!"Arnold stalked six feet away, his face contorted between anger 

and concern.Lila and Helga were pulled away.

*****

"Not only did you kiss Orphan Boy, but you snuck out of your room last 

night to be with him, and then you fought over him!!You have been suspended 

for five weeks because of this kid!!I forbid you to ever talk about him 

again, let alone see or talk to him ever again!!!!!"

"Dad, I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!"

"Don't you dare speak about the ORPHAN in that way!!"

"His name's Arnold and I love him!!"

"As far as I'm concerned he doesn't have a name!!As far as I'm 

concerned he doesn't exist!!"Helga ran up to her room, crying.Trying to 

see through her tears she packed up whatever she could.She went down the 

tree, and with her suitcase, headed to Arnold, her beloved.

"Helga!?!Why are you crying?"

"Oh Arnold!"She tried to say more but she was crying to loud.He 

brought her to his room.He waited till she calmed down.Then she preceded 

to tell him about the fight.Arnold put his arms around her and comforted 

her.

"I'm sure Grandpa will let you stay here.We just need to figure out how 

to keep Big Bob away."Meanwhile, because of Helga, Arnold got an idea on 

how to let everyone be together.Under the guise of visiting Arnold, a 

friend from school, everyone could come and make out in private in an empty 

room.And Helga would stay there.But like Arnold 

said, how would they keep out Big Bob?

**********

"Hey, Gerald.Anyone listening to our conversation?"

"No, man.We're on the phone alone, Arnold."

"Good.I figured out how you and phoebe can be together."

"Really!!I get to see my de-licious Phoebe again!?!"

"I won't tell you if you say delicious again."

"Okay, man.So how do I see Phoebe the de- sorry... again?"

"Come over.I'll call phoebe and get her to come over, too.Then you 

two can find an empty room and do what you want."

"All right!!!I love your plan, man.I'll be over in a second."

"Okay, I'll call Phoebe."

*****

"Hey, Mom!Can I go to Arnold's?"

"All right, but I'm driving you.I want to make sure you're going to 

Arnold's and not Phoebe's."

"Geez Mom."

*****

Arnold called Phoebe and told her to come so she could see Gerald.Her 

mother also insisted on driving her.Gerald got there a few minutes before 

Phoebe.He paced the hallway, waiting for her.When she came in, she flung 

her arms around Gerald.They had one long kiss before they went up to a room 

where they would have privacy.

"Phoebe, do you know how de-licious your kisses are?" Gerald looked at 

her with his version of flirty eyes and she giggled.

*****

Arnold did the same thing for Sid and Nadine.It turned out that they 

were already going to Mighty Pete to make out, but they welcomed the privacy 

of their own room where other kids wouldn't burst in on them and taunt, like 

in Mighty Pete which was frequented by kids.All the kids had their own 

rooms and could go there anytime, which made them all much happier.

But meanwhile, Big Bob was very angry.He saw that Helga had runaway and 

knew that she had to have gone to the "orphan's" house to stay.Also the 

other parents were suspicious.The first four days of the punishment they 

had all been miserable, but now they were happy all the time, happier than 

they usually were. And there was this Arnold kid they were going to all the 

time.Who was he?The kids also seemed the happiest after they came home 

from there.And the other kids noticed stuff, too.They weren't coming to 

play stickball in the afternoons anymore, or playing at Gerald Field, or 

going to the park.Where were they?So they decided to have everyone go to 

their houses and see if anything was wrong.Stinky went to Arnold's, Harold 

to Sid's, Sheena to Phoebe's, Curly to Gerald's, and Rhonda to Nadine's.No 

one bothered to go to Helga's since they all knew that she had runaway to 

Arnold's(quite the scandal.)

*****

Stinky rang the doorbell.

"Hello?"

"Howdy, Grandpa.Is Arnold here?"

"Lemme check."Grandpa went up the stairs to Arnold's room.He 

listened for kissing sounds before knocking.Sure enough, they were making 

out.He knocked.

"Hate to disturb ya short man, but there's a suspicious friend at the 

front door.He heard Arnold make an aggravated sound.

"All right, I'll come down."He said it angrily, not wanting to leave 

Helga.He went down to talk to Stinky.

"Howdy, Arnold.Want to come play stickball?"

"Not really."

"Why?You haven't been doing anything with us for more than a week.

What are you doing?"

"I haven't felt like it."

"Oh I see," he said in a psychic way.

"Stinky, what do you really want?"

"I just wanted to know what you've been doing instead of being with us, 

but I know now.Hehehe."Arnold glared at him.

"Since you know now why don't you just go tell everyone then!"He said 

angrily.He went back to his room, stomping on the stairs.He knew Helga 

could calm him down though.Just the thought of how she would do it made him 

already start to get calmer.

Everyone else had gotten their answers from the parents on where the 

others were and met up at Gerald Field.

"All of the parent's said their kids were at Arnold's?"Rhonda said in 

disbelief.

"Yup.But when I talked to Arnold he seemed like he was alone, 'cept

for Helga."

"I'm CONFUSED!!!!What does it mean!?And I can't think on an empty 

stomach!Where's the Jolly Olly Man?"Harold was complaining, clutching the

sides of his head and a clean Mr. Fudgie Bar stick.

"I know what it means!" said Curly in a conspiracy style voice.

"They're all having wild make-out sessions at Arnold's house!!"

"Do you really think so?"

"Gawrsh, Curly.I don't know if you're right."

"But think about it, it does make sense," said Rhonda.

"But what will we do about it?And I'm still hungry!!!"

"Do we need to do something about it?"

"Of course my dear naive Sheena.We must bring them to their senses."

"But they're happy, Rhonda.Why stop them?"

"Because they are ruining OUR fun.We must stop them, but how? They're ruining our fun by not showing up for stickball and leaving us short of players, so let's go ruin their fun!" shouted Rhonda

"Yeah!" screamed everyone else,, so they all ran to the boarding house under

Curly's assumption that they were having wild make-out sessions.

"Ok guys, here's the plan," said Rhonda, "I'm gonna do some snooping around and

report back to you what I find. Then we can get to the fun part."

Rhonda climbed up on Arnold's fire escape and started peeking through windows.

Through one window, she could see Sid and Nadine. They were on bed passionately making

out. Rhonda was both in awe and incredibly disgusted. Sid and Nadine were both kissing

open-mouthed and hadn't pulled apart from each other for the whole five minutes Rhonda

stared at them. She finally decided she had seen enough and moved on to the next window.

There she found Phoebe and Gerald. They were rolling on the floor, but their style

was a bit different from Sid and Nadine's. Gerald would very cutely shower Phoebe with

kisses on her face and neck really fast-like and phoebe looked as if she was giggling a

lot. Then Phoebe would interrupt him and she would give him a nice long open-mouthed

kiss like Sid and Nadine. Then Gerald would look really happy and Rhonda saw his lips

speaking a word that looked to her like de-licious. She decided she had seen enough of

them and moved on to Arnold's window.

Now, Arnold and Helga were going about making out differently as well. They were

just sitting on Arnold's bed. Arnold had his hands gently placed on Helga's face and

Helga had her hands on his. They were very gently open-mouthed kissing. Rhonda decided

that Arnold looked like the best kisser and thought to herself that she wished she

didn't back out of Juliet in the school play. But anyway, she had seen enough of this

disgusting stuff and went back to the others.

As Rhonda told them of her findings, the kids just gawked, the clunks of jaws

hitting the ground could be heard.

"Now then, what do you think we should do about this?" she asked.

"Lets barge in on them.!" yelled Harold.

"Yeah!" screamed the rest.

"No!" said a voice.

They all turned around and saw Lila standing there, an evil grin on her face.

"No?" said Rhonda, a little miffed.

"Lets tell their parents..... every detail." said Lila

"Lila, that just might be the best way to ruin their fun," said Rhonda wickedly,

"Lets start with the Johanssens, and end with big Bob Pataki"

"Yeah!" screamed the kids, and they ran off to start their plan.

"They were what!!It wasn't as bad as this when he was in the woods 

and didn't know not to, but I expressly told Gerald he was not to see her!!"

"And Rhonda said it looked like he was saying the word 'Delicious' after 

her big open-mouth kisses," said Lila, carefully goading him, accenting the 

words describing the kisses to make him as angry as possible.She wanted him 

to be just short of wanting to kill Phoebe.

'We're going to tell the parents of the other kids, why don't you come 

with us?" asked Rhonda innocently.Mr. Johanssen agreed and told Mrs. 

Johanssen.They all went to Phoebe's parent's next.

Mrs. Hyerdahl opened the front door to find a small crowd outside it.

Rhonda and Lila were in front and right behind them were the Johassens.In a 

rough group behind them was almost all of Phoebe's class.

"May we come in," said Rhonda, gesturing to herself and the other three 

in front."I'm afraid we have some very shocking news concerning Phoebe."

She and her husband sat down to talk with the Johansson's and the two 

ringleaders.

"You were made aware by Mr. Simmons of your daughter's actions with 

Gerald, were you not?" inquired Rhonda.

"Well yes, and we forbade her from seeing him.Frankly we thought she 

was too young."

"It may shock you ever so much to learn that your daughter has been 

sneaking out to meet Gerald, who was also forbidden to see Phoebe."

"What?"Mr. Hyerdahl demanded.They proceeded to relay in great detail 

what Rhonda had seen.They too were outraged and agreed to come with them to 

the next parents.They did the same thing with Sid's and Nadine's parents and 

there was a small mob gathered by the time they reached Big Bob's house.

"Waddaya want!?"

"We have some news about Helga."

"What makes you think I want to hear it?I want to forget that I ever 

had a second daughter."

"It's not really oh so shocking, but it is something we're ever so sure 

you'd want to hear."

"Well, I'm not doing anything important right now, so I guess I'll hear 

it."They entered the Living Room and sat down, Rhonda, Lila and the eight 

parents.

"Do you have any suspicions on where your daughter ran away to?"

"Yeah, that orphan, Alfred."

"Perfectly correct, only his name is Arnold"

"Whatever."

"As Rhonda was saying, she's living at Arnold's, and Arnold is oh so 

obviously sullying your daughter."

"What?!?!"Lila knew what she was doing and knew just what to say to 

rile him up the most.He might not have cared about Helga, but he definitely 

didn't want some "orphan" kissing her and loving her.Lila reveled in 

telling every tiny detail of what Rhonda saw, knowing that it would destroy 

Helga and Arnold's happiness.She felt slightly guilty at hurting Arnold, 

but told herself it was his fault for leaving her for that slut, Helga.Even 

the kids outside heard it clearly when Bob leapt up and screamed,

"I'LL KILL THAT ORPHAN!!!!!!!!!!"

Rhonda and Lila knew they had baited the trap well."Rhonda has such 

small goals...all she wants is stickball players.Meanwhile I have bigger 

fish to fry.And much higher goals in sight." Said Lila. 

They set about laying a plan right away. 

Miriam heard Bob's cries and calmly said, "Don't kill the boy Bob, you'll get in

trouble with the law."

"Yeah, not to mention lose my beeper empire, BUT I"M STILL GONNA TELL HIM OFF REAL GOOD!"

When Bob said this, the other parents realized, hey, all our kids are making out,

AT ARNOLD'S HOUSE! They decided that they had to somehow stop Arnold from letting

their kids do this when he knew very well that they all were not allowed to see

each other. 

Grandpa opened the front door to find nine angry parents outside.

"We want our kids back!!" yelled Big Bob who was in the front.The 

parents started yelling things about being too young and against their 

consent and a bunch of other stuff.The kids in the rooms heard the commotion 

and recognized bits of their parents' voices.They went down to see what was 

happening.When their parents saw them they got louder and angrier.The 

kids froze with fright on the stairs.The parents commanded their kids to come, but they all shook their heads and ran up the stairs again watching from 

the top.Grandpa didn't know what to do. Bob yelled at Helga to come home 

immediately and stay away from that "orphan".Hearing Bob yell this made 

Grandpa lose his temper.Since Grandpa can bench-press 200 pounds he's 

surprisingly stronger than Bob.He pushed against Bob and the door, managing 

to close and lock it.

"You stay away from my house!While these kids are here they're under 

my protection!"Bob was very very angry about having been locked out of the house.

"Come on everyone!" he said taking place as a natural leader. "Lets climb the

fire escape and get to the roof! then we can bust in on my daughter and that orphan

boy from above."

So Bob began to climb the fire escape with the other parents and the braver

kids (Rhonda and Lila, the others were too scared, especially Harold) following in

hot pursuit. They scampered up to the roof and Bob, having once overheard Helga

mutter something about a loose window in the roof, removed the aforementioned

window and tossed it in a fit of rage, causing it to shatter against the roof of

the boarding house. Arnold and Helga who had resumed kissing, once again pulled

apart at the sound of the crash and Bob's rage.

"Dad! what are you doing!" yelled Helga extremely upset.

"I've come to get you away from ORPHAN BOY and bring you back to the house

where I can lock you up and make sure your punishment is carried out!"

Arnold could not stand being called orphan boy again so he opened the door and

ran out of the boarding house.

"There, now that he's out of the way, you're coming with me young lady!"

"NO! I won't. you can't make me!" Helga screamed and ran after Arnold before Bob

could get to her. Lila left Rhonda and followed them. Rhonda decided to just sit

back and triumphantly watch the fireworks.

The other parents stormed in through the window looking for their kids. Mr.

Johanssen opened one of the doors and found..... Mr. Hyunh in a dress, pretending

to be Juliet... "Whoops, sorry," said an embarrassed and thoroughly weirded out Mr.

Johannssen. He opened another door and found Gerald and Phoebe. "OK, they're in

here!" he called to phoebe's parents and a lot of yelling ensued. Same deal with

Sid's and Nadine's parents.

Grandpa emerged from the "office" and heard all the screaming. "what is that

infernal racket?" he said to himself and decided to investigate. He climbed

upstairs and saw a mass of parents yelling at four very frightened kids.

"What the Helen of Troy is going on here!" yelled Grandpa. No one would listen.

Suddenly, Grandma let out a very loud whistle that managed to get everyone's

attention. "Thanks, Pookie, I can take it from here." said Grandpa.

"Now that I have everyone's attention, what is going on here?"

"Your kid has invited our kids over and has given them the opportunity to do

some very bad things as one young lady tipped us off about after he very well knew

that they were all on punishment and forbidden to be near each other at school and

at home." said a very ticked off Mr. Johanssen.

"AND THE KID HIMSELF TOOK POSESSION OF MY DAUGHTER!!" yelled Bob.

"Very good arguments," said Grandpa calmly. "but I don't see why you would

forbid them to see each other."

"Because they are just too young to partake in such activities. They're only

nine for crying out loud!" said Sid's dad. 

"Their age? This is all because of their age? Since when should age matter?

Short man is already more mature than everyone at this here boarding house,

excepting myself of course, He's wise beyond his years and he's managed to get YOUR

kids out of quite a number of dilemmas. If he finally managed to see the one thing

he has been dense about for so long, that your kid is madly in love with him Mr.

Pataki, then I say he has grown even more mature and I praise him and let him have

some long lost free time with her. I know he's mature enough to do with her only

what's responsible and you all should know that your kids are mature enough as

well, seeing as Arnold chose them for his good friends and all. What's a little

smooching gonna hurt any? They don't need to be punished at the home, they're

already suffering at school.FOR MIGHTY PETE'S SAKE! DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR ALL OF YOU? MAYBE YOU WEREN'T NINE, BUT AGE DOESN'T MATTER WHEN YOU'RE IN LOVE!"

All the parents were speechless after Grandpa's wonderful speech. Then, they

went over to their kids and gave them a big hug.

"I'm sorry, baby, we should have trusted you more." said Mrs. Johanssen.

"Yes dear, we should have been more reasonable," said Mr. Hyerdahl.

"Sid, I'm so sorry," said Sid's mom.

"Nadine, you can see Sid whenever you like as long as we give you permission,

which we will more often." said Nadine's mom.

All the kids hugged their parents and even Bob decided that he had been

unreasonable.

"You can just wait for her at home, I'll be sure to tell her as soon as she

gets here."

"Thanks Phil," said Bob "Sometimes I let my anger get the best of me. Your kid

is a good boy and I owe him a big apology."

"I'll tell him to walk your daughter home then, by the way, I could use a

beeper."

"Alrighty," said Bob, quite cheerful that he was about to make a sale.

Grandpa got a beeper and then, after all the parents took their kids home and

Bob left, said to himself, "hehe, I'm such a wily old coot."

Meanwhile, Arnold had run to the park, sat down on a park bench and began

crying. Helga chased after him and gently sat down on the bench to comfort him."Arnold, are you okay?"

"No!I'm not okay!Your dad just kept pouring more and more salt into

an open wound by calling me "orphan"."Helga cringed at his metaphor.

"That's my dad....all he cares about is Olga and beepers.He doesn't

even know I'm alive most of the time."

"No wonder you were so psychologically screwed up and a huge bully."

"I hate to pry and pour more salt, but, what happened with your

parents?"Arnold told her the story about how his parents met, and why they

had to leave.Then he showed her his picture of them.

"No wonder you're so cute, you came from good stock," Arnold blushed.

"But you said you've never gotten any word from them, they could still be

alive, right?"

"Yeah, but it's highly unlikely and probably a false hope."

"No it isn't.Come on cheer up."

"Why should he?"said a voice from the bushes.Lila stepped out.

"I've made sure with Bob and the other parent's that you six will never be

together again.The others were not really what I was after, I was really

after you.They were just extra goodies.Now that I've made sure everyone

knows, there won't be a single place in town that's safe for you to be

together at."

"Lila, why?"

"Because she's evil, Arnold.That's why!"Helga glared at her.

"That's not the only reason.There were more.The first day I was

here, I looked about.Who would be best to be my main servant?It was

difficult deciding who would take the place of the last boy I had in

Pleasantville.There I had an abundancy of boys waiting on my beck and call.

I could get those easily.But whom would I concentrate on?Who would be my

main servant, who loved and wanted me more than anything?My main servant

had to be so enthralled with me, he'd kill if I told him to.Arnold was the

best choice, I knew that almost right away.So I set to work.I made him

love me, be enchanted with my perfection.But I would keep him at arms

length, that I learned, made guys want you even more.But there was a flaw, I

was starting to like him.That had never happened before to me.I was a

cruel, emotionless prison-keeper of men's hearts.I knew you liked him since

even before the school play.So I had two reasons to keep him.Then when

you came back from Adventure Woods, I wondered what you had done to get him

to like you!He shouldn't have, not while my spell of perfection was still

on him!But then I decided to let it go and make Stinky my new main

servant.But then you had to make that comment on the playground.I couldn't

let Arnold go after that.Then later I overheard Rhonda and the others

discussing you and what they were going to do to make you stop kissing.

They wanted to just barge in on you, the simple fools.But I had a much

better plan to keep you apart, and more effective, too."

"It was you!You set everyone's parents against them!"Arnold pointed an

accusing finger at her, hatred glaring out of his still teary red eyes.

"Yes, it was I who executed the simple, not so subtle plan that has driven

the wedge between all of you!I might have spared you Arnold from all of

this if it weren't for you leaving me for her and that little thing you said

after the fight.I was starting to care for you, but you hurt me.You

managed to do what no other boy has done before... leave me for another. And

now my triumph is complete.I will sit back and watch you all suffer, held

apart by your parents, never able to see each other again.Oh, Helga, how

strong and thick of a chain do you think your dad will use to keep you from

Arnold, huh?He'll probably never let you out of the house again, at least

not as long as Arnold is still around."They heard pounding foot steps as

Bob came running up."And here he is now, probably to chain you and bring

you home.Prepare to never see Arnold again."

"Helga, here you are."

"No dad, you won't take me away from him!I love him!I'm not going

home!"She threw her arms around Arnold.They held each other tight.

"What?I'm not taking you home against your will."Lila's smug,

triumphant look wilted into disbelief.

"What?I thought you hated Arnold!He's an orphan and...an-and he's

sullying your daughter!"

"Sullying?Since when have I sullied anyone?"

"I realized something.I was being unreasonable.You can see Alfred

whenever you want-" 

"Arnold." 

"Whatever, but you're both responsible mature people and why should I keep you apart, 'cuz he's got no parents thatwe know of?I was being stupid, can you forgive me?"

"What!?!?!You're letting them be together?Noooo!!"Lila started

crying."I wanted him, he was mine!!How did I lose him?!I'll never

bewitch another boy."Realization dawned on her."Everyone knows who I am.

I'll be an evil, leeching slut here forever!!!"Lila ran off, defeated.

"What was that about?" asked Bob, perplexed.

"It doesn't matter, come on.I'll walk home with you, Helga."They all

walked to Helga's house, Arnold chatted with Bob along the way.By the time

they reached home, Bob loved Arnold.The other parents had accepted their

kids relationships.Everyone except Lila it seemed would be just fine now. 

However, the next few weeks of school were rough for the six kids because for six

hours of the day they were forced to be apart by principal Wartz and Mr. Simmons's

watchful eyes. It was especially rough for Arnold and Helga because they couldn't even

see each other. Finally, the last day of the punishment ended and Helga and Lila

returned to school after their suspension. With all the seven kids back at school, Mr.

Simmons gave them one final talking-to.

"Ok, Sid, Nadine, Gerald, Phoebe, Arnold, and Helga, I don't ever want to see such

displays of public affection again or you will all be separated for the rest of the

year. And Helga and Lila, I don't want to see any more fighting or hear any more of

those un-special words again or you will be in even bigger trouble."

"Yes Mr. Simmons," said the seven kids

"Good. I'm glad everything is back to normal." said Mr. Simmons

That Friday, Gerald decided to be the good friend after what Arnold had done for

everyone, so he threw a big celebration off-punishment party for his five friends.

There was music and dancing. His mom had made a whole bunch of food and sent Timberly

off to a friend's house. His Dad had also offered to let Arnold spend the night.

Everyone had a lot of fun and the time passed quickly. Before they knew it, the party

was over and the parents had come to pick up the kids. Sid and Nadine kissed

Goodnight and went home. Phoebe's dad came and she gave Gerald a long kiss at the

door. after their lips parted, Gerald just said, "De-licious, I love you Phoebe-baby."

"I love you too Gerald," said Phoebe.

Helga's dad came and Helga said to Arnold, "Well, I guess this is good-bye, for

now," and started to walk to her dad.

"Just what do you think you're doing young lady, go back in there and give him a

kiss," said Bob which shocked everyone.

"Gladly," said Helga smittenly. She walked up to Arnold and he gave her one of his

sweet gentle kisses.

A minute later Bob said, "Ok, that's enough, lets go."

Helga and Arnold slowly pulled apart and held on to each other until Helga had

walked too far away.

"Good-bye my darling Arnold,"

"Until tomorrow my sweet Helga."

It was nine o'clock and the boys decided to go to Gerald's room. They sat in their

beds and began talking.

"Been an eventful few weeks, huh man?" said Gerald

"To say the least," replied Arnold. "I'm just glad all the fighting is over and we

can get back to our lives"

"And our girlfriends," chimed in Gerald

"Gerald!"

"What man? I can get some de-licious Phoebe kisses anytime now. Say, I got an

idea, give me some tips on how you kiss Helga man, Phoebe might like that."

"Gerald! keep your voice down!" said Arnold, very embarrassed.

Suddenly, The door opened and in strutted none other than Jamie-O.

"Did I hear you correctly Gerald?" he chortled

"Jamie-O!" whined Gerald

"Relax, kid, I did hear correctly didn't I? You wanna impress Phoebe? You're not

brothers with Jamie-O for nothin"

He picked up Arnold in his arms and said, "Ya gotta hold her in your arms like

this."

"Jamie-O!" Arnold and Gerald both said at once.

"Heh, I'm just messing with ya, but sit down and I'll tell you guys how to impress

your girls."

Jamie-O told the guys his version of how to impress a girl. Finally, he left.

"Wow, Jamie-O is pretty cool," said Arnold "but grandpa also told me his version

of how to impress Helga."

"What is it man!? You must tell me! I must woo Phoebe!."

"Gerald, my man," said Arnold impersonating Gerald, "that is one urban legend you

don't want to hear!"

THE END!!!


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